2 years ago or more can't remember my mom back in October or whenever. I had this huge problem with my mom and fought with her over how she needs to leave my dad because he makes our lives messed up. I kept on saying it was his fault that my life is the way it is. Sure they both have effected my life and how I am messed up. But at the core I realized how much I do love my mom. She stood by me through all my shittiest moments including my most depressing breakdown. I've never felt THIS shitty before. I now realized she cares about me and even though I've had many fights with her I love her deeply. I don't know how I would have the ability to live on without her. She means the world to me. I kept crying and she kept telling me maybe it's all good even though I told her this time it's not like last time. This time I know I'm doomed. I just realized how much I love my mom. She's been as loving and as supportive as ever. However I do wish I had thought about my stupid actions back then before I did them. Now I have to worry and make her worry and the look in her eyes lets me know she fears for me and is very sad to hear me tell her about my situation. She told me that seeing me like this is hurting her and I can feel it both in her voice and eyes. She tried not to tear and she succeeded but the wet eyes said it all.
I'm so sorry mom that I did something so stupid.

On a side note. I had a fortune one that said I need to let go and the other saying everything will be fine. Conflicting and scary. I got the let go of stuff one first which is why it's so scary.